Coping with a loved one’s terminal illness may be one of the hardest challenges that you face in your life. Terminal illnesses are those from which there will be no recovery, so, in effect, when you face a terminal illness, you face an illness that will lead to death and, for family and friends, the pain of loss. There is no right way to cope with a loved one’s terminal illness, only the way that is most suitable for you and your family. However, seeking guidance from a counsellor, healthcare professional or a member of the clergy when a loved one is dying is quite common and helps many people deal with their emotions.
Changing Relationships Due to Terminal Illness
When a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness, they may react in different ways. Some people become more of what they already are, so that patient or flexible people become even more so, while other people seem to become the exact opposite of what they were, so that patient people become impatient or angry people become calm.
There is usually no way to tell exactly how an individual will react to news of deteriorating health, but it is important for friends and family to remember that their loved ones are entitled to their emotions. Marie Curie provides useful advice about supporting and communicating with someone who has a terminal illness.
It is also important to remember that these emotions may affect family relationships and friendships, so changes in behaviour and relationships should not necessarily come as a surprise.
Dealing with Denial About a Terminal Illness
When faced with the fact that a loved one is dying, some family members and friends may initially struggle to accept the prognosis. Sometimes it may be the person who is ill who does not want to discuss or acknowledge that they are dying.
Denial can be a way of coping with frightening or overwhelming circumstances. Rather than forcing conversations, it can be more helpful to listen and allow the person to discuss their thoughts and fears when they feel ready.
The NHS provides information about end-of-life care, including the support that may be available to patients, carers and families.
Seeking Support from Family
Often those who are supporting a loved one with a terminal illness need support themselves. Families can become united in grief, but individual family members may experience and express their emotions very differently.
Children may need their parents, parents may need their children, spouses may need each other and siblings may come together to offer support. Unfortunately, some family members may be so involved in their own emotions that they are unable to provide the support others need.
In these situations, professional counselling and support groups can be valuable. For families affected by cancer, Macmillan Cancer Support provides information for people supporting someone with cancer, including emotional and practical guidance.
Understanding Anticipatory Grief
Family members and friends can begin grieving before the person they love has died. This is sometimes known as anticipatory grief. Feelings may include sadness, anxiety, anger, guilt, loneliness and uncertainty about the future.
Recognising these emotions can help family members understand that their reactions may form part of the process of preparing for a significant loss. Talking openly with trusted family members, friends or professionals may also help.
Getting Practical Support
Supporting somebody approaching the end of their life can involve practical responsibilities as well as emotional ones. Depending on their circumstances, care may be provided at home with support from GPs, community nurses, palliative care teams and other professionals.
The NHS explains the options available for end-of-life care at home, including nursing, palliative care and support for relatives and carers.
Coping with a loved one’s terminal illness is often extremely difficult. Recognising the different emotions that may influence this period, accepting support from others and finding reliable information can help families navigate the experience in a way that is appropriate for them.